There are times when I have been writing this blog that I felt like I have been digging a grave for myself. I realize that some, or a lot, of my discoveries that I have been describing here go against the grain of nominal denominational beliefs. I often wish I my brother had lived longer and he and I could have found a way to be in closer communication so I could have had his viewpoint. I also know he had no theological background other than sitting at our mother’s knee and listening to ministers she approved of. So I probably would not have had any correlation for my discoveries. I often wonder what some of my dearest friends in the faith think. I don’t hear from them here. I realize I’ve been a little too clear about not hearing objections. Because what I write here are just processes, not faith decisions. I don’t want to estrange my friends in the faith, for sure.
An affirmation of sorts came my way at the end of yesterday’s sermon by our pastor, Kerry. I have known a number of ministers in my life, but only a few have touched me deeply. One is my uncle, Lum. I am pretty sure a more sincere minister of the gospel never lived. Uncle Lum is from my vantage point, an introvert. I imagine it took a large gift of grace to make a minister out of him. There are others, but currently I have to say our pastor now, Kerry Willis, has proved to be the most caring and insightful minister we have been privileged to know.
In Kerry’s benediction yesterday he quoted these words, “May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. “
In an email he sent to me with the benediction he said the prayer was from a Franciscan benediction.
Discomfort at easy answers. Discomfort at half truths. So that I may live deep within my heart. I need time with this. Time to think it through. Time to let it mature. Time to let it encompass my thinking so that it impacts my actions. I want to be more careful of what I read and believe. And I want to be careful to not let go of truth in order to grasp what seems to be truth.
Somehow in all of my thrashing around God sends me amazing truths by way of these men. And I understand I will be eternally grateful.
How can I but be disquieted and uncomfortable when on every side I see the lost? Why am I on this quest? It can’t be for me.
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